The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach that keeps me up at night, I am ready for you to leave. You’ve had your fun, and now it’s time for you to go. I don’t get to stay at the party forever, so why should you?
Maybe I deserve all the sleepless nights, though. I’m a flawed human being, and I think getting older only widens the knowledge of this fact. The flaws add up — figure out that equation for me, Mathematician Genius. I’m sure there is some way to define a ratio like this, “Given time: as the years increase, so do the revealed flaws.”
The depth of those flaws are staggering. Parenting helps reveal flaw depth. Kids are incredibly perceptive without even trying. I dread the day when my kids realize that their dad is riddled with flaws. They suspect it now, but they are too young to really know. They’ll get it, though, and all I have to explain it is that I really am just an aged kid. I never really had the answers — I only had theories.
Life is so short, all I want to do is play games with them and watch them laugh and have fun, because soon, real soon, life is going to start getting terrible for them. The reward for becoming a grown-up is to learn that the bad-guys win most of the time. There are few heroes, but the possibilities of ever meeting them is very small, because they are already dead. That’s sort of the prerequisite for becoming a hero, right?
There are things that I would like to “do over”, ya know, get a second chance. I’d like a second chance to have a better scholastic career, because the first one was terrible. Hey, it was my fault, but wow, that was a painful journey. I’d like to go back and erase the words I said out of malice, because I was an insecure idiot, who said things that never should have rippled the sound waves, and by the way, there is a bible verse that is scary to think about regarding speech, Matt:12:36, “But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.”
The one small light left on to find in this world is faith in Christ. Everything else is folly, because everything else relies on humans to build the steps to immortality as if a human could really build a way to perfection. It takes a perfect God to build a path to imperfect humans, and that is Christ. Christ is our only hope.
There are no second chances, though, choose Christ now.